Attunement, Anxiety and Empathy with Ellie Knaus of Atomic Moms
Today on the Supermom is Getting Tired podcast, I’ll be interviewing Ellie Knaus of the Atomic Moms Podcast.
We’ll talk about how years of interviewing parenting experts has impacted her as a mom and the mindset that allows her to implement what she has learned.
Together we talk about attunement, empathy, and anxiety, and how they all interact to make parenting kids a challenge.
Do you worry about other people judging your children or your parenting? Then stay tuned for Ellie’s coaching question of the day.
Question of the day:
“It gives me so much anxiety when my two year-old calls everyone DUMB in a really mean way. It’s a word she learned from her six year old sister. I get that it’s not personal. She’ll even say Minnie Mouse is DUMB. And Minnie is her BFF 4 Life. But other people get super wigged out about it. I tried not giving the word power by ignoring her name-calling for a few weeks now, but it’s getting old!” Ellie
Parent Education Answer:
Ellie already knew not to give this word too much power and attention. She understood her daughter’s motivation for using it (attention and excitement) and that if she ignored it, it would go away.
Life Coaching Answer:
When I’m coaching clients, I ask questions more than give answers. Because she was on the phone with me, I could ask WHY it bothered her. What was she making it mean, about her, that made it hard to let go of it.
For Ellie, it was her Nanny’s reaction and fear of being judged negatively by her. So many of us have this fear of being judged, but I’m going to let you in on a secret.
That’s what they do. Some more than others and you have no control over any of it.
We think if we can do everything right, we can protect ourselves from negative judgement, but it just doesn’t work.
There may be times that kids embarrass us. Unfortunately, we can’t control them either. This thus leads to anxiety. Once you can allow the feeling of embarrassment to be there without resisting, there is no need for anxiety.
When I ask her how she WANTS to feel about her daughter using the word dumb, she struggles to answer.
I have her close her eyes and imagine two dials numbered 1-10. One labeled ME, the other labeled OTHER. When she adjusts the dials so that she pays more attention to herself than others, it feels better. It was great to get to demonstrate this live because it’s such a quick and easy way to feel better for empathic moms!
Ellie thought she had two emotions to choose from: anxious or apathetic. Once she realizes she is in the driver’s seat of her brain, she decides to think the thought “My nanny thinks my daughter is so funny”. This helps her feel peaceful about her daughter’s “dumb” word, which allows her to ignore it more easily.
Today’s Quotes of The Day:
“You bore me with normal” Ellie Knaus’s post-partum doula
“When I sense into my children, we can be in a more relaxed state together .” Ellie Knaus
“Trust in your goodness, live out your greatness, rock on Atomic (Super) Moms.”