My plans are derailed. Our house guests left early, hungry, because I couldn’t feed them. Our kitchen, unusable. My living room, no longer available for group meetings. My launch, postponed. My brain, filled with the sound of 10 fans and a dehumidifier blasting 24 hours a day. I feel like I’m trapped in a hot, dusty, airplane hangar with whirring helicopters that won’t stop. I feel helpless and lost.
As I sit in the backyard, washing my dishes with a hose, trying to regain some sense of control, a thought comes to my mind, “Everything happens for a reason”.
Bull Shit.I’ve heard that throughout my life and it’s a stupid lie.How do I know?Because it feels like crap when I think it.
Our bodies tell us what is true and what is a lie. The girls in my summer camp are always surprised how easy it is to know when you are lying to yourself.The lie feels heavy, icky and tense.The Truth, on the other hand, shall set you free.The truth isn’t always pretty, or happy, or easy, but it ALWAYS tastes of FREEDOM.
LIE – My friend should not have moved away.
TRUTH – I miss my friend. I wish she still lived nearby.
LIE – There is too much bullying going on in schools today.
TRUTH – Kids today could benefit from social development skills.
LIE – Bad things keep happening to me.
TRUTH – Things happen and I keep labeling them as bad.
You might find comfort in the thought, “Everything happens for a reason”. If this thought brings you peace and freedom, then it is TRUE for YOU. For me, it feels heavy & helpless so I know it’s a lie. I MUCH prefer to believe, “I decide what I make things mean.”
Client: I lost my job.
Me: What do you make that mean about you?
Client: That I’m a loser and will never get ahead. (lie) You can decide that “Life sucks and then you die.” Or you can believe that, “Unexpected things happen and that’s ok.”Client: I’m bored with my life.
Me: What are you making that mean about you?
Client: That I’m a horrible person! I should be grateful for all the good things. (lie)
Are you really horrible or is boredom just a sign that you are ready for more? Here are some of my favorite thoughts clients found to be true for them:1. There is something here for me to learn, that I couldn’t learn any other way.
2. This is happening FOR me, not TO me.
3. It was always meant to happen this way.
4. Love is always an option.
5. Love values struggle as much as it values ease.
I don’t know why my kitchen flooded when it did. I haven’t decided what I want to make it mean yet. But I know I will choose something that feels amazing and powerful and truthful because that’s how I roll.
How about you? Do you like the thought, “everything happens for a reason” or does it feel like a lie? What lie are you telling yourself that is keeping you weighed down?
10 Powerful Questions
5 Questions every morning to give you clarity and intention.
5 Questions every evening to give you satisfaction and gratitude.
This is the best way to get you in the driver’s seat of your life.
4 thoughts on “Everything does NOT happen for a reason”
I hate that thought, and yes, it feels like a lie. Just like, “God doesn’t hand us more than we can handle” feels like a lie. If that were true, there would be no suicide.
Thanks for speaking this truth, and for also giving some alternative ways to cope when unhelpful feelings creep into our subconscious (or really, conscious.)
Another great post! Thanks for keeping me focused on the bigger picture and helping me to reframe how I look at things.
Thank YOU, Janeen! You made my day!
I think well-meaning folks have a hard time knowing the right thing to say because it’s so individual (and it’s so hard to just be there and say nothing). But figuring out a thought that feels good to me is super empowering and has carried me through some really hard times. Thanks so much for your feedback, I love these kinds of conversations!