Fed up with continuous disappointment

Episode 116 – Fed up with continuous disappointment

Question of the Day:

Dear Torie,  I AM. SO. DONE. with frickin’ COVID.  I don’t want to be one of those people who complains on social media so I thought I’d complain here so you can make something productive come out of it.  In the big picture of things we are lucky. No one in our family has died or become seriously ill because of COVID. But the continuous disappointment is sucking the life out of me. I’ve got kids who missed school dances, graduation parties, seasons of sports, birthday celebrations, starting freshman year with other humans, making friends, family reunions, summer camps and vacations.  As Omicron rages and schools start talking about postponing in person learning and events, I start losing it. How am I supposed to hold it all together for my kids when I just want to throw a frickin’ temper tantrum? Pissed in Pismo  

Parent Educator Answer: 

It is so hard to cope with one disappointment after another, after another. As soon as we start to relax and make plans, something else comes in and takes it all away.    We have a vision for our children’s lives that includes uninterrupted school, sports, friendships, celebrations and good mental health. Just about everyone we knew had this experience so it seemed safe to expect our kids to have it also.    It seems like missing out on these milestones is causing disappointment, but the good news is it’s not. The good news is that it’s our EXPECTATIONS that are causing our suffering.    If you KNEW ahead of time that your high school student would play sports three years instead of four, it wouldn’t have been such a big deal. He could have volunteered, joined a club, taken a vacation or just enjoyed some down time.    If you knew ahead of time that your daughter wouldn’t celebrate her 16th birthday, no big deal. You would just make other plans.    The cause of our suffering is our expectations. This is good news because we have control over our expectations.    If you want to release the anger, all you need is to adjust your expectations to live in continuous, creative response to whatever is present.    Easy, peasy right?  Wrong. 

Life Coaching Answer: The illusion of control

What gets in our way from living in continuous, creative response to whatever is present? The illusion of control.    Being a human on the planet makes us feel vulnerable. Things we perceive as bad can happen at any moment. We might be predestined to experience life a certain way, but we aren’t privy to this knowledge, so instead we walk around feeling uncertain and scared.    Nobody likes walking around feeling scared and vulnerable so we come up with things that give us the illusion of control. Worrying is one way we try and control an uncertain future. Forming expectations and trying to predict the future is another way.    When your expectations are causing you to suffer, it’s time to let them go. Letting go of attachment is one of the steps on a journey towards spiritual awakening.   I’m defining a spiritual awakening as something that causes us to elevate our experience of the world to a higher perspective. Your mind expands, your awareness increases, and like the word implies, enlightenment feels lighter.  Spiritual awakenings are triggered by two things:

1. An external event like a pandemic, a medical diagnosis, mental health crisis, job/career transition, a move, a near death experience. 
2. An internal event or shift where you feel the need to make a change. Nothing may change externally, but you feel the need to grow and expand. It may result in ending a relationship, changing careers, a diet or exercise regimen, but it starts as an internal identity and perspective change.

  You’ll know you are on the cusp of a spiritual awakening when you are completely fed up. If you are in so much misery that you cannot keep going the way you have been going, then it’s time to begin the journey. When nothing is working, you don’t know who you are, what you are doing, or where you are going….say hello to enlightenment!    The first step is to recognize things are changing, and that’s ok. It might seem counterintuitive, but surrendering to the crap is a way to acknowledge where you are and let go of the expectation that it should be any different. If the thought, “I don’t know what the future will bring, and that’s ok” gives you a sense of relief, then you are on the right track.    If the first phase of spiritual awakening is recognizing you feel like crap and surrendering to not knowing what the hell is happening, the second phase is releasing fear.    The good news about being “Pissed in Pismo” is that you aren’t in fear. The lowest level of energy one can be in is fear, despair, and helplessness. Feeling like a victim: of the pandemic, of vaccine mandates, of the government, of schools, jobs, kids, the weather, means it’s time for immediate intervention. This powerless, scared, victim mindset is terrible for the human psyche, and prevents you from making forward progress.    The next level up from fear is anger. Anger has some power to it. It gives us fuel and fire to fight injustice. From this energy, you can voice your opinion to school administrations, create prom alternatives, advocate for in-person school, or do some creative problem solving. The great thing about being SO. DONE. WITH. COVID is that there isn’t an ounce of fear in your letter.    If this pandemic is here to assist in a global transformation of consciousness and put us all on a path to enlightenment (which many believe), I can see that it is helping all of us release fear.    We tend to fear the unknown. West coast folk can’t understand why you’d want to live in hurricane or tornado country. East coast folk can’t understand why you’d want to live in Earthquake country. We tend to fear things we haven’t experienced.    This pandemic is bringing all of us closer to our greatest fears. We are getting closer to experiencing illness, death, job loss, financial instability, climate disaster, and raising kids in a world with an unpredictable future. The more intimate we become with fear, the less power it has over us.    If you are feeling fed up and DONE with continuous disappointment:

1. surrender to the crap with the sentence, “I have no idea what is happening and that’s ok.”  
2. Release all fear and use anger to fuel creative ways to right wrongs. 

  When you are fed up with being angry, it’s time to raise your vibration to a higher spiritual plane. I walked through the different energy levels in my 100th episode, adapted from David Hawkins’ book Power vs. Force. Let’s review them here.    Level One (lowest level) – fear. guilt. despair. victim. lost. stuck. powerless. “I lose” situation. Level Two – blame. anger. resistance. argumentative. righteous. “I need you to lose so I can win.” Level Three – rationalization. justification. explaining – lots of words used. taking responsibility and using logic. “I win” Level Four – helper, compassion, gratitude, be of service, playful, generous, “How can I help you win?” Level Five – reconciliation. letting go of good/bad, right/wrong. open minded with a focus on growth and empowerment.  “We all win” Level Six – joy and connection to all things. everything and everyone is connected. there are no negative experiences, just curiosity. “I wonder why I created this experience for myself?” “We are all always winning, nobody ever loses.”  Level Seven – oneness and zen. equal passion for all things yet total non-attachment. winning and losing are illusions.    It’s ok to ask for help with letting go of expectations and learning to live in continuous creative response to whatever is present. That’s what life coaches are trained to help with. If you are sick of feeling fed up, but aren’t sure how to raise your vibration to the next level, schedule a free discovery call and see if life coaching is the right fit for where you are.   Supermom Kryptonite – Continuous disappointments  When life keeps knocking you down, it is really easy to get discouraged and feel exhausted.  Perhaps you were so excited your kid with ADHD was back to in person learning, only to be told it’s another 4 weeks of online instruction.  Or your family business that survived the first pandemic blow is now looking at permanent closure.  Maybe you postponed your family vacation, only to get COVID the week before your big trip. It sucks and it is super easy to feel disappointed, discouraged and depleted by continuous disappointments.  Take time to allow yourself to feel all the feels. Cry, throw tantrums, vent to your compassionate friends (better than social media), write in your journal, throw a pity party.  When you are ready to move on, leave the specifics behind and focus on the big picture of what you want? What was the feeling you were hoping to get by taking the family vacation? Freedom from worry, relaxation, peace, connection to nature and each other? Make a list of 20 ways you can experience these emotions.  Why did you want your kids to go back to in person school? So they can have normal social interactions, interact with teachers, get out of the house, hang with friends. List 20 ways you can create these experiences.   What were you hoping your kids would experience if their sports season started on time? Camaraderie, team bonding, good mental and physical health, a social outlet. Name 20 ways your kids can still experience these things.    If you are stuck in continuous disappointment, think about the larger desire and find ways to get what you want. This will give you the feeling of having control while also releasing attachment to your expectations.   

Supermom Power Boost – NDE’s 

Do you want a little help along your path to spiritual enlightenment? Watch people tell their near-death experience stories on Youtube.    Here are some links to books and youtube videos of people telling their stories about their experiences on the other side.    Hearing people talk about the bliss, love and connection to all things they felt while dying will raise your vibration and give you a glimpse of life at higher energies. Watching them tear up and become speechless as they remember the feeling of deep love from the other side will help you release the social programming we grew up with from movies teaching us that death is a bad thing to be avoided.    Balance out your media diet by reducing news of the world and increasing news that inspires and enlightens.   

Quote of the Day: 

“Disenchantment whether it is a minor disappointment or a major shock, is the signal that things are moving into transition in our lives.” Sir William Throsby Bridges