Parent Educator Answer:Jessica, I can hear your frustration, but after coaching hundreds of Supermoms just like you, I have a hunch that what really is going on for you is exhaustion. It sounds like you’ve been listening to advice with creating organizational systems, but no amount of organizing can solve a problem of fatigue. You want the kids to go to bed so you can relax. You think the only way you can relax is by finishing your tasks. But when we treat kids like tasks on our list, they rebel. They act silly, naughty – whatever they can do to shake us out of “task mode” and connect with them in meaningful ways. Many Supermoms have stressful beliefs that make them resistant to relaxation: “There’s too much to do.” “More work will pile up later” “I can’t relax until everything is done” When you feel tired but you push through your fatigue ignoring your own body, it creates tension and pressure. This self imposed pressure causes us to snap at kids and act impatiently. It creates tunnel vision. The only thing you can see is getting through to that finish line at the end of the day. This isn’t a problem of getting kids to bed as much as it is a problem of you feeling exhausted. The only solution for fatigue is rest. You are trying to get to it by getting all your tasks done, but as a busy working mom, this will never happen. There will always be more work to do. You need to learn to rest while work remains undone. Learning to relax, before your chores are done, is really quite simple. Here are some easy options
- Listen to a 10 minute meditation before you go into the house.
- Take 3 deep breaths and say the word “release” with each breath.
- Do a body scan. Notice what you are feeling and where you feel it.
- Repeat a mantra like, “In this moment, all is well.”
- Do 5 minutes of yoga poses, focusing on breathing and balancing.
Life Coaching Answer:What gets in our way from taking short breaks during the day to focus on ourselves? The strange cultural idea that a good mom should be self-sacrificing, efficient, clean, and put everyone else’s needs before her own. We are not robots. We are not a cog in the machine of productivity. We are humans and we need to respect the human body as it is designed. Rest when you are tired. Work when you have energy. Play to restore your spirit. Please fight against this ridiculous notion that we are BETTER mothers when we IGNORE our bodies and our humanity. The other BIG obstacle to getting Supermoms to rest when they are tired is the 3 P’s.
- Pushing to power through
Supermom Power Boost: Do NothingPick a day on your calendar and declare it a DO NOTHING DAY. Much like the volleyball tournaments used to do for me, having a day off to do whatever you feel like doing is nourishment for the soul. If you relate to Jessica and feel tired and cranky at the end of your days, it is especially important. For some of you, this will be hard to do inside your home. If so, you can go to a spa, check into a hotel, go for a drive, wander around the city, whatever feels delicious to you. The purpose of the DO NOTHING DAY is to get you back in balance. You don’t have to stare into space for 12 hours, unless that is what you feel like doing. You just want to listen to your own body and spirit. Nap if you feel like napping. Eat when you feel like eating. Move when you feel like moving. It’s too easy to ignore yourself when others are around, so make this a day just for you. I have had many delightful DO NOTHING days that stand out in my memory. 12 hour spa days. Driving around listening to a great audiobook (Anita Moorjani’s, Dying to Be Me). Wandering up and down the aisles of libraries or bookstores. Reading my book while being brought food that I did not have to cook or clean up after. Falling asleep on a park bench in the sunshine. Whatever you do on your DO NOTHING DAY, make sure it is UNPRODUCTIVE, feels delicious and nourishes your body and spirit. Go into our Facebook group and tell us about it. Let’s change the cultural programming to start celebrating moms who care for their bodies and souls. Quote of the Day: “Rest until you feel like playing, play until you feel like resting. Never do anything else.” Martha Beck
10 Powerful Questions
5 Questions every morning to give you clarity and intention.
5 Questions every evening to give you satisfaction and gratitude.
This is the best way to get you in the driver’s seat of your life.