I believed it.
The soft focus, the clean & pretty Mom, the happy baby, the dream that my life would soon be filled with love, peace & contentment. And it was.
And it wasn’t.
I loved being a Mom and I LOVED my baby. But suddenly, that was all I knew.
I wanted to do everything right. I valued my new role and took my responsibility seriously. But my baby wasn’t cooperating with my vision. He was fussy, sensitive, cried a lot and slept a little. I felt lost and confused. I had no way of validating that I was doing a good job.
And I couldn’t stand the not knowing.
So I read. Parenting book after parenting book. Searching for validation. I wanted someone to show me, prove to me, I was doing things right. I wanted to know that I had taken this precious little human and not screwed him up. I hated when people talked about “maternal instincts”. What the &*%$# is that? I had none. I wanted a report card. A job description with a checklist so I could make sure I was doing things well. But I didn’t have one, so I decided to worry. It seemed like worrying was something a good parent would do. It felt conscientious, diligent, and productive.
From the outside I looked confident, but I was working hard: reading, worrying, researching, studying for a final exam that never came.
On the inside, I had lost the ability to relax, or even take a deep breath, this is what I now call, “The Land of Crazy”. Perhaps, your “crazy” is different than mine? Maybe the loss of spontaneity or predictability drove you crazy? Maybe your crazy came from arguing with reality? “This should be easier”, “My child shouldn’t act this way” “My husband should help more”. Maybe you never felt crazy, just full of peace and joy all day, in which case stop reading this! For me, the realization that there is no report card or professional review to tell me whether I am meeting or exceeding expectations was a terrifying concept. I had spent my life following rules and using other people’s expectations to determine whether I had value and success. The most important job I will ever have and no one is here to tell me if I’m doing it right? What the hell kind of craziness is that?
The best kind. The kind we can learn from and use to bring us closer to the truth. The truth that only WE get to decide if we are good, successful parents. That every temper tantrum, every power struggle can be an opportunity to grow closer to our authentic self. I learned little by little, a yoga class here, a supportive friend there, teaching parenting classes (might as well put that research to good use), taking time by myself, learning to trust other caregivers. I learned that WE have the power to decide what kind of day we are going to have, and how much joy we choose to take from our experiences. I learned the long, hard way, but I am thrilled to have a short cut to share with you!
The things that mean the most to us (jobs, relationships, money, parenting) are usually the things that challenge our beliefs and make us feel a little lost and confused for a while. Now I see that this is as our opportunity to create new beliefs that are truer and more aligned with our best, most authentic selves. Instead of thinking “I have to do this right” or “My child should obey me” or other frustrating thoughts, I deliberately think thoughts that allow me to feel successful and parent from a place of peace and confidence. “I choose how I behave” or “I decide if I’ve been successful today” are more empowering thoughts that we can actually control. Some people sit on a mountaintop and meditate for hours, ME?, I use my daughter’s refusal to wear pants as my own path towards spiritual enlightenment.
I believe parenting struggles are a perfect opportunity for personal growth. This passion we have to raise great kids, and our motivation to stay sane while raising them, is all the fuel you need to learn the tools to live your best life.
JOIN ME on an 8-week, life coaching program to learn to use your parenting challenges to create your most idea life.
The Parenting Club
Parenting can be an exciting time, but it can also be a time for anxiety and confusion as we adjust to new roles. With support, information, and coaching, this can be the best time in our lives. Join me in this 8-week life coaching program and learn the tools you need to worry less and enjoy more. You will develop confidence, clarity, and increase satisfaction in your everyday life.
- The Cycle of Change – Most people go through 5-6 major transitions in their lives and becoming a parent is certainly one of them. We will learn about the predictable path of change and how to use it transform us into our best selves and live the life we were meant to live.
- Drowning, Choking, and SIDS, OH MY! – Along with becoming parents comes worry. This class is about learning the difference between instincts and anxiety and how protect our children while not letting worry take over our lives.
- The Everybody – “Everybody says I should breastfeed”, “Everybody says I should stay home/go back to work”. This week we will discuss who “everybody” is and how to listen to what’s right for you. We’ll talk about the difference between your essential self and your social self and how to filter these messages in a positive way.
- “Why do I do all the work?” – Discussion of gender roles, distribution of labor, and tackling those household chores that just have to be done. We’ll take a look at our families of origin to see how our expectations have formed and learn practical tools to make everyday life better for all.
- The Quest for Balance – What does it mean to live a balanced life and is it even attainable? We’ll talk about transitioning back to work, settling into staying home, childcare and how to make life more fun with less guilt.
- Maintaining Healthy Relationships – Whether it’s complaints about husbands, in-laws, or girlfriends. This is the time to work it all out and create the helpful, supportive tribe you desire.
- Developing Your E.Q. – Your child-rearing years will go much smoother if you increase your emotional intelligence to help you both navigate through the wild world of feelings.
- “When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” – Why is it so hard to put ourselves first? Understanding the challenge of self-reverence as we develop tools to celebrate our victories and take pride in our accomplishments.
Use parenting as your path towards personal fulfillment and creating your best life! This 8-week journey is a great way to learn life coaching skills for you to use in your career, your money, your family and your life.
Sara says: “When I started this program I felt like I won the lottery! These skills are just what I needed to take my life to the next level. I felt pretty good before but I didn’t realize how much better I could be. I feel in charge of my own happiness and ready for what lies ahead.
Tanya says: “Cheaper than therapy and lasts longer. Practical tools that apply to all areas of life. I loved feeling supported and understood.”
Anna says: “Oh my gosh! Feeling normal and sane, not to mentioned empowered, is invaluable! I would have paid 10x as much!”
Schedule a free discovery call t
o see if this program is right for you.
This 8-week coaching program is held over-the-phone, from the privacy of your own home, car, or wherever Mom’s can find some peace! The calls are held once a week for 8 weeks with optional homework done over email, in between calls.
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3 thoughts on “I believed the propaganda”
Well said Tori!
You are so funny! Really enjoyed reading this. I’m sure the classes will be great.
Wow Torie, you hit the nail right on the head. I felt that same way and wished I had you around when I was drowning in my own “Land of Crazy”