DD -“Ella was so mean to me at school today. She said I was stupid and fat.” Mom – “You feel mad.” DD – “Yeah. It makes me mad when she’s mean to me. Why can’t she just be nice?” Mom – SILENT SITTING (no talking, just let her have her emotion, let her stay frustrated for 90 seconds.) Mom – “What do YOU know to be true about you?”Somehow when we ask for TRUTH, it raises the bar: “I know I’m overweight, but I’m also a good friend.” or “I say dumb things sometimes but I’m not a dumb person.” or “Whenever I’m with Ella I feel worse about myself.” If your child’s response is “The truth is I’m a loser and nobody likes me”, start over at step one, naming the feeling, “You feel sad.” Model it for your kids by trying it for yourself. 1- Find something or someone that is bugging you. 2- Name your authentic emotion: (mad, sad, scared, ashamed, etc.) 3- Bathe in it. Picture yourself sinking into a bathtub of your emotion. Let yourself soak in it for 90 seconds. Say to yourself, “I feel scared, and that’s ok. I allow myself to feel my feelings.” Notice how it feels in your body and where you feel it.” BREATHE! It is super important to keep your breathing slow and deliberate. If you start to think, talk, blame, argue, bring your attention back into your body and your breath. 4- After 90 seconds is passed and you are feeling calmer, ask yourself, “What do I know to be true about me?” and see what answers arise. 5- Congratulate yourself on being authentic. Celebrate your awesomeness. (I know you want to avoid this step but your kids are your motivation.) You want them to have a positive self image so show ’em how it’s done!
10 Powerful Questions
5 Questions every morning to give you clarity and intention.
5 Questions every evening to give you satisfaction and gratitude.
This is the best way to get you in the driver’s seat of your life.
3 thoughts on “Is something bothering you?”
Good one Torie!
This was a great article and very helpful. I’m one of those moms who says, “don’t be like that”, or “don’t be scared”. Shame on me. I recognize that I need to authenticate my own emotions and “show” my children how to handle them. Thanks for a wonderful lesson for me and my children.
Thanks, Christine. It’s hard to do when we haven’t been taught so be patient with yourself but the rewards are SO worth it!