When I try to sit next to him on the couch, he blocks me with his feet. When I reach out for a hug, he turns away. Anytime I try to contribute to a conversation, he tells me I’m wrong. If I dare to ask him questions, I get arguments.
As I type this, there is an enormous pile of dirty tissues sitting on the coffee table next to a stack of dirty dishes, all his. Nearby lays a laundry basket of clean and wrinkling clothes that I naively asked him to fold. Today is his “dish day” and the dishwasher remains full and will until I remind him.
Raising a teenager presents us with a lot of challenges. Today, I’m challenged with the question,
Why, in the world, do I think I am the luckiest Mom on the planet?
Here I am making him a cup of tea and preparing him a snack. Why? Why do I offer to bring him a cup of tea, when he never offers to bring any for me?
Because of my thoughts.
My thoughts accept reality, instead of argue with it.
“He’s doing his job as a teenager.” “This is what it’s like to live with a teen.”
My thoughts are present focused. When I do futurize, my thoughts feel good, not disastrous.
“He’ll learn this next year.” “I hope he has a tolerant roommate.” or “He’s thoughtful in many other ways.”
I stay in my own business and don’t make it about me (This one took me a while to learn!)
“I’ve done my job to teach him how to treat me, it’s his job whether he does it or not.” “He’s very thoughtful to others, this just his way of separating.” “At least he’s not a ‘Mama’s Boy’”.
Senior year is an emotional roller coaster. I need to make it as easy on myself as I can. Am I being naive? Tolerating more than I should? Maybe. All I know is that loving this crazy teen and feeling peaceful, feels better than being annoyed.
Sometimes teens shit in the nest before they leave it.
It’s an important time to be really compassionate towards yourself.
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