Mom friendships change as teens become more independent
Question of the Day:
“My teenagers are getting older and more independent. I know I need to let go, but I’m having a hard time. I think what scares me the most is being alone. So many of my friendships were formed through my children’s activities (soccer moms, theater moms, etc.). I’m worried about what my social life will look like after my kids leave the house. Already I’ve noticed a drop since my daughter got her driver’s license. I need a strategy to make and maintain friendships at this point in my life.”
To help me answer this question, I have a special guest, Suzy Rosenstein a coach for mid-life women and host of Women in the Middle podcast.
Suzy defines midlife as more a stage than age, although people think about it being between 45-65 years old. As we enter into emptying nests, big milestone birthdays and menopause, it’s easy to find ourselves in a midlife funk.
She found herself in a midlife funk, knowing she was dissatisfied but not knowing why or what she wanted to change. When she got a surprise lay off notice after 18 years with the same company, she hired herself a life coach and set off to regret-proof her life.
After coaching many midlife women, one of the top regrets she hears about is about friendships.
While raising kids, friendships are built-in and convenient so for 20 years we didn’t really have to exercise the friendship muscle. As our kids grow into adulthood, it’s time to be intentional about our relationships and who we have in our lives.
Three tiers of relationships
1 – The Inner Circle – Partner, parents, siblings, children
2 – Friends, colleagues, acquaintances
3 – Neighborhood, community, people you interact with, take classes with, etc.
It’s important to start thinking about what I really want. Which tier am I missing and would like to focus on more? Do I want to vacation with girlfriends? Do I want to feel more connected to my community? Or do I just want someone to talk to about my day?
Supermom Kryptonite – Regret-proof your life
Living with a fear of future regret can be a real energy drain. When you feel like something is missing, you want to pursue a dream and you don’t, this inaction is today’s Supermom Kryptonite. Doing something different in mid-life means leaving your comfort zone. But ignoring your desires keeps you stuck in familiar discomfort.
To regret-proof your life, focus on these three areas:
- Self-care – What do you want more of? Less of? Do you have a relationship with your body that you want? Are you the woman you want to be?
- Professional contribution – Is your work in alignment with what’s important to you?
- Relationships – Aside from mom friendships, are you creating the friendships and personal relationships you want to have?
Be intentional about living the life you want to live.
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