Have you fallen into the responsible mom trap?

Facebook
Pinterest
Twitter
LinkedIn

Stay home moms are especially vulnerable of falling into these two traps but working moms can certainly find themselves stuck here too.

I asked a client the other day, “What percentage of your daily tasks are done out of obligation?” She figured about 90%. 90%!!! This is self imposed slavery! Feeling like you HAVE TO do something traps the spirit and makes you feel powerless. “Shoulding” your way through life will wreck havoc on your energy and rob you of your own power and sense of authority over your life. It’s a mental prison and it takes it’s toll. The most common reason why you hear moms say obligatory things like “I have to pick up your brother” “I need to start working out” or “I really should get a head start on my Christmas shopping” is because we want to feel important. Many of us quit our jobs to stay home and raise kids and we need to prove that we are needed, valuable, and that our lives have purpose. The last thing we want is for someone to think we are sitting on the couch, watching reality TV and eating bon-bons. We take our mothering job seriously by filling our lives with obligations.  If this sounds like you, the question to ask yourself is, “Have I accomplished my goal of feeling needed?” Can I check the box that says “I’m a responsible mom”? If so, let’s check it and MOVE ON to something more freeing and empowering for the human psyche. The second trap we can fall into, trying to prove we are hardworking responsible moms, is commiserating with other hardworking, stressed out people. It took me FOREVER to believe my husband when he told me that he wants to hear how easy and joyful my day was! He would come home from work and talk about how stressed and overwhelmed he was, so I would pick the most stressful part of my day and share back. Solidarity, it’s how women support each other. You tell me what’s bugging you, I tell you what’s bugging me, we vent, we laugh, we feel better. What he was asking me to do instead felt so rude! Girlfriend: “My kids are such slobs. They leave their stuff everywhere, complain about having no food to eat yet still manage to make a mess in the kitchen.” Me: “My kids are delightful in every way. They never make a mess and if they do, they clean it up.” WHAT!? That is NOT how we support people we care about! But husbands are different than girlfriends. When we complain to our husbands, he sees our problems as something he needs to fix.  When we share our crises, mishaps and exhaustion of the day, even with good intentions, it makes him feel more depleted and wondering why he’s working so hard in the first place. Focusing on the negative put us into our own mental prison instead of giving ourselves permission to fully enjoy those moments when everything is going smoothly and easily. Can you check the box that says, “I’m a hard-working Mom”? If yes, let’s check it and MOVE ON to focusing on those moments in the day when you felt deeply relaxed, present in the moment, and truly grateful. Share THOSE moments with your husband. Then he feels like his hard work is worthwhile because his kids get to be with a happy, balanced mommy all day. Are you ready to MOVE ON from hardworking, needed and responsible? Start by replacing “I have to” “I need to” and “I should” from your vocabulary and replace it with “I choose to”, “I intend to” and “I will”. You’ve earned your Supermom patch, it’s ok to kick your feet up, relax and do some fun things just for you.

10 Powerful Questions

5 Questions every morning to give you clarity and intention.
5 Questions every evening to give you satisfaction and gratitude.

This is the best way to get you in the driver’s seat of your life.

More to explore

Enneagram Type 5 – The Investigator

The Enneagram Type 5, often referred to as “The Investigator” or “The Observer,” is known for their thirst for knowledge, a desire to understand, and a tendency towards introspection and solitude. These perceptive, cerebral problem solvers are intensely curious and love to delve into topics that interest them. 5’s are lifelong learners and enjoy acquiring … Read more…

Enneagram Type #4 – The Creative Individualist

Enneagram Type 4 Supermoms Enneagram Type 4 personalities are often known as “The Individualist” or “The Romantic.” Sensitive, creative, introspective, and unique, the enneagram type 4 craves authenticity and unique creative expression.  Type 4s possess a rich inner world and often have a unique artistic sensibility. They are drawn to creative pursuits such as writing, … Read more…

Enneagram Type 3 - The Achiever

Enneagram Type 3

Enneagram Type 3 – The Achiever Threes value achievement, results, and recognition and like to do their best. They tend to be ambitious, efficient, highly flexible and adaptable to help them accomplish their goals. Hard working and principled, Three’s can make reliable, devoted parents with the will and energy to be their best. Image-conscious: Maintaining … Read more…