In one week, I had four clients tell me that their work environments are going through rapid changes: finance, government, health care, and pharmaceutical sales. If there is an industry that isn’t experiencing these kind of changes, I don’t know what it is. Real estate, education, retail, computer engineering: between outsourcing, budget cuts, and automation, it’s easy to assume the jobs you or your spouse hold today will not be around, or be dramatically different, by the time your kids are in the job market. When the world seems to be changing fast there are a few ways we tend to cope with these changes.
A common reaction is to panic. When we see changes happening around us, we look for familiar structures to cling to: “If I have an 8 month emergency savings, then I’ll be safe”. “If I just work harder, I’ll be safe”. We look for rules and systems to believe will make us feel secure. This leads to generalized anxiety, stress, sleep disturbances, and health problems. Worrying about an uncertain future and placing your security in rules that are constantly changing, can turn “making a living” into “making a dying”.
Another common reaction to change is denial. (Imagine high pitched voice here) “Everything is great and peachy, nothing will affect me, I’ll just keep drinking, spending, overeating, blaming and whatever else it takes NOT to notice that I feel scared.” This helps people by giving them something else to focus on “I need to lose weight, spend less, get my kids grades’ up”. This method distracts from, but doesn’t resolve the core issue. Believing scary thoughts like, “I have no choice but to stay in this job I hate” causes you to feel fear. Ignoring this fear by focusing on other problems, just leads to a lifetime of feeling crappy.
When panic and denial fail to solve the problem, there is one method left. I learned this personally from a smelly, pot-smoking, scuba diving instructor who was the last person I expected to gain such wisdom. (The stench of his body odor was so profound that they are embedded together in my memory). In order to get certified, I had to remove my face mask and snorkel, 30 ft. underwater, and put them back on. To say I was scared was an understatement. I reassured myself that I new “the rules”, I had memorized the procedure and was prepared. But as soon as it was off, I started to PANIC. I frantically swam toward the surface as fast as I could, crazy, flailing around in a terrible state. My dive instructor firmly grabbed arm, held me down, and tapped the side of my head. Somehow, that tap on the side of my head, ignited another part of brain: my instincts. I calmed down immediately, cleared my face mask and snorkel, and was fine without ever thinking about it. It was weird, like “how did I just do that?” All it took was someone else to grab my arm and tap my head. We are all built with these innate instincts to help us through times of fear, the problem is we don’t have access to them when we are in panic or denial.
My work as a life coach is similar. I hold my clients down by making them relax and stay calm on the phone. Then, I tap into their instincts by asking them to question the thoughts they have been thinking. “Is it true that security comes from your job?” “How do you know the changes that are happening are bad ones?”
Once we let go of the old ideas that are no longer working for us….
”Government work is stable” “No one quits in this economy” “It’s ok to suffer if you are close to retirement”,
then, we can allow in some quiet wisdom we didn’t even know was there.
“I’m more capable than I thought.” “Now’s the time for change, everyone else is scared.” “I only have to please myself.” “The possibilities for my future are endless.”
Think about times in your life when you have been genuinely scared. (Being robbed at gunpoint, seeing a bear in the woods, crashing a car). How did your instincts step up to help you? Maybe in our cushy lives, we don’t encounter enough real fear and we forget that we have this built in, instinctual system to help us out. Look at the difference between fake fear (stress, anxiety) and real fear, and tell me about times when you felt your instincts kick in.
-Instincts are quiet and easy to ignore. Anxiety is loud and takes over your ability to think about anything else.
-Instincts offer a clear, actionable step to take. Anxiety suggests pacing, eating, general yuck…oh, I just hate anxiety!
-Instincts can be a thought that pops into your head but usually just one (not 1,000) and it’s often funny and always clear and calming.
-Instincts can be a physical sensation in the body (hairs go up on back of neck, goose bumps, nausea, etc.) but again, easy to ignore. Anxiety is a runaway train that you can’t get off until your brain thinks it is safe.
If I can find wisdom from a smelly, underwater, pot head, I am confident you can find your quiet wisdom, too.
4 thoughts on “What I learned from a smelly, underwater, pothead.”
Great article. Instincts really are the calming factor in any situation while anxiety is that scary out of control train! I just read this while at school, and I now feel a tad more energized for the rest of the afternoon. Thanks Torie!
I find your words to been meaningful and very much appreciate what you are offering. However, I want to communicate that I found the use of the term “pot head” in this to be different in tone from your usual approach. I think it detracts from your message and you could offer the same, without disparaging remarks. As you suggest, you found him to be quite wise – I don’t think you need to say “quite wise despite all his flaws”. You could simply say your wisdom came from an unexpected place: the bottom of the ocean. That would suffice.
I hope all is well with you and the family! Incredible how time flies…our cute little boys are sixth graders. 🙂
Great to hear from you Shauna! Education is certainly one of those constantly changing fields. I’m sure your sense of humor and ability to be fluid helps tremendously. Lots of love to you!
Hi Karen, I love how my judgements of others always come back to bite me in the butt. Thanks for your input, I’m glad to have it. 🙂 love to you and your boys!